New function added: "Writers" - I added this so we won't have to browse for hours and hours to find a specific work. From now on, please, tag your self before posting.
Best regards,
O Sapo
Friday, August 14, 2009
Words of the Fallen Heart
Tears
never hurt like this
Pain
never piled up like this
Sorrow
never felt so sweet
Hope
never seemed so far
Love
never seemed so true
Trust
never felt so broken
Lust
never called my name
Persistance
never seemed so stupid
You
are still everything i want
You
are what im fighting for
Life
never seemed so hard to live
Fear
never seemed so strong
I
never thought id fall this hard
I
never thought id hurt this bad
I
still want you to be the one
I
am lost beyond comparison
I
will always be yours.
never hurt like this
Pain
never piled up like this
Sorrow
never felt so sweet
Hope
never seemed so far
Love
never seemed so true
Trust
never felt so broken
Lust
never called my name
Persistance
never seemed so stupid
You
are still everything i want
You
are what im fighting for
Life
never seemed so hard to live
Fear
never seemed so strong
I
never thought id fall this hard
I
never thought id hurt this bad
I
still want you to be the one
I
am lost beyond comparison
I
will always be yours.
Curiousity
In a moment your life can fall to pieces
In a moment your life can be picked up according to thesis
but then again all you can really do is hope
Although it feels like i'm always at the end of my rope
Like failing is all i can do and my life is a waste
It's like i wanna disappear without a trace
Then i take a look at my miserable reality
Filled with corruption and profanity
Trying my best to turn it into a sweet fantasy
but still i feel like my life is just another calamity
The pain and insecurities could drive me to insanity
Like all reality this world is full of stuck ups and their vanity
I'm just the guy tryin his best to get by
but it feels like i'm not good enough no matter how hard i try
I feel as if i could be so much more than who i am
I feel as if i'll always be alone and no one will ever give a damn
Everyday i wonder where exactly do i stand
If i can even get through the task at hand
To escape this life that's corrupt and bland
All i want if for someone to say they'll stay
To stop feeling like i have go astray
To stop being forced to pray
To choose the endings of my day
All things i have to say seem like they'll never be heard
All because i'm still a kid and everything i say just seems absurd
I've tried so hard to escape my horrid past
But it just seems like i'll never last
The pain haunts me almost everyday
The pain of living behind a mask
A happy ending is all i ask
To feel the joy of a real smile
To feel as if life is worth all the while
Where is that happiness they write about in books?
I can never seem to find it anywhere i look
Where is the truth we all seek?
Why are we all stuck in a world so faded and bleak?
Where are the dreams we once had?
Why are our ambitions replaced with a future so sad?
Where is the voice we need when we try to talk?
Why is time we need shown on a broken clock?
Why do we question the trust we have in our friends?
Why do we tend to choose the path that never ends?
Why is it that we are oblivious to those who care?
Why is that life is so unjust and unfair?
Where does the one real answer lie?
Where is the hope we once shared?
Why is that we always have to be cautious and aware?
What happened to the safety we once felt?
Why is it that pain is all we are dealt?
Where is the shelter of which we humbly ask?
Why is this world filled with useless opinions rather than facts?
Why are we so afraid of what we don't understand?
Why is it bad for a girl to love a girl, and man to love a man?
Why do we discriminate others because they aren't the same?
Why do we cuss, fight, hurt, and maim?
Why can't the world see that we are all of one kind?
Why is it so wrong to want to speak your mind?
In a moment your life can be picked up according to thesis
but then again all you can really do is hope
Although it feels like i'm always at the end of my rope
Like failing is all i can do and my life is a waste
It's like i wanna disappear without a trace
Then i take a look at my miserable reality
Filled with corruption and profanity
Trying my best to turn it into a sweet fantasy
but still i feel like my life is just another calamity
The pain and insecurities could drive me to insanity
Like all reality this world is full of stuck ups and their vanity
I'm just the guy tryin his best to get by
but it feels like i'm not good enough no matter how hard i try
I feel as if i could be so much more than who i am
I feel as if i'll always be alone and no one will ever give a damn
Everyday i wonder where exactly do i stand
If i can even get through the task at hand
To escape this life that's corrupt and bland
All i want if for someone to say they'll stay
To stop feeling like i have go astray
To stop being forced to pray
To choose the endings of my day
All things i have to say seem like they'll never be heard
All because i'm still a kid and everything i say just seems absurd
I've tried so hard to escape my horrid past
But it just seems like i'll never last
The pain haunts me almost everyday
The pain of living behind a mask
A happy ending is all i ask
To feel the joy of a real smile
To feel as if life is worth all the while
Where is that happiness they write about in books?
I can never seem to find it anywhere i look
Where is the truth we all seek?
Why are we all stuck in a world so faded and bleak?
Where are the dreams we once had?
Why are our ambitions replaced with a future so sad?
Where is the voice we need when we try to talk?
Why is time we need shown on a broken clock?
Why do we question the trust we have in our friends?
Why do we tend to choose the path that never ends?
Why is it that we are oblivious to those who care?
Why is that life is so unjust and unfair?
Where does the one real answer lie?
Where is the hope we once shared?
Why is that we always have to be cautious and aware?
What happened to the safety we once felt?
Why is it that pain is all we are dealt?
Where is the shelter of which we humbly ask?
Why is this world filled with useless opinions rather than facts?
Why are we so afraid of what we don't understand?
Why is it bad for a girl to love a girl, and man to love a man?
Why do we discriminate others because they aren't the same?
Why do we cuss, fight, hurt, and maim?
Why can't the world see that we are all of one kind?
Why is it so wrong to want to speak your mind?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Slaughter of Innocence
Dear God I pray – please allow me to explain
Though I know – it'll be in vain...
The Fools offered me to play – the Game of Decay.
Nay – I promised You, I'd say,
Though, I felt the desire – to stay.
They told me It'd be fun,
They told me – I'd see the Chosen One.
And they said – I'd be high as the Sun.
Instead, I watched the Slaughter of Innocence.
I watched everything – from the Throne of Decadence....
Now I must be punished, for my lack of prudence.
A dirty soul – does smell
In my sin – now I dwell,
So I must give you my Farewell.
My God please forgive me – for I gave in
They took my hand, and guided me unto sin,
So now I must beg – for another chance to be clean.
Dear God I pray,
Please forgive me – and let me stay for one more day.
Though I know – it'll be in vain...
The Fools offered me to play – the Game of Decay.
Nay – I promised You, I'd say,
Though, I felt the desire – to stay.
They told me It'd be fun,
They told me – I'd see the Chosen One.
And they said – I'd be high as the Sun.
Instead, I watched the Slaughter of Innocence.
I watched everything – from the Throne of Decadence....
Now I must be punished, for my lack of prudence.
A dirty soul – does smell
In my sin – now I dwell,
So I must give you my Farewell.
My God please forgive me – for I gave in
They took my hand, and guided me unto sin,
So now I must beg – for another chance to be clean.
Dear God I pray,
Please forgive me – and let me stay for one more day.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Everybody's Journey
It’s being told to give up when you know you can’t
It’s being told to shut your mouth when you know you want to rant
It’s being told I love you when you’re only being used
It’s being beat up when you’ve already been abused
It’s having your whole life fall apart all in a day
It’s someone making a decision and you don’t even get a say
It’s running towards a goal that seems to get further
It’s loving a girl and knowing you’d never hurt her
It’s being who you are and being hated just for that
It’s life and misery adding up why don’t you do the math
Two separate things that somehow intertwine
It hurts so much I might go out of my mind
It’s wanting more than you’ll ever get
It’s being told no when you’ve got your mind set
It’s running in a race you’re told you’ll never win
It’s loving someone who is in an abusive relationship, tell me which is the bigger sin
It’s waiting for the longest time
It’s missing all the tell tale signs
It’s the wonder of what if that gets us in the end
Should we be together or be just friends
It’s life itself not telling us what we want to hear
It’s you and me living in unneeded fear
Together we will get through this mess and find the beauty that lies within
Because this is it, It’s love the world’s greatest sin
It’s being told to shut your mouth when you know you want to rant
It’s being told I love you when you’re only being used
It’s being beat up when you’ve already been abused
It’s having your whole life fall apart all in a day
It’s someone making a decision and you don’t even get a say
It’s running towards a goal that seems to get further
It’s loving a girl and knowing you’d never hurt her
It’s being who you are and being hated just for that
It’s life and misery adding up why don’t you do the math
Two separate things that somehow intertwine
It hurts so much I might go out of my mind
It’s wanting more than you’ll ever get
It’s being told no when you’ve got your mind set
It’s running in a race you’re told you’ll never win
It’s loving someone who is in an abusive relationship, tell me which is the bigger sin
It’s waiting for the longest time
It’s missing all the tell tale signs
It’s the wonder of what if that gets us in the end
Should we be together or be just friends
It’s life itself not telling us what we want to hear
It’s you and me living in unneeded fear
Together we will get through this mess and find the beauty that lies within
Because this is it, It’s love the world’s greatest sin
Longing to be Free
It's being locked in closed spaces.
It's wanting to help, but being too guarded to do anything.
It's being pulled into too many directions,
People shouting, "Help me. Help me!"
It's losing the one that I love,
Even though they stand right before me.
It's finally finding the perfect one,
And being scared to lose him.
It's releasing everything locked inside my soul.
It's daring to open my heart up again.
It's being the person that everyone wants me to be.
It's appearing so strong, yet being so weak.
It's longing to stretch my wings,
Yet being held down by the wind of oppression.
It is just me, longing to be free.
It's you trying to hold me back.
It's you trying to bring me down.
It's you trying to change me to my very core.
It 's you not giving a damn about my emotions.
It's you confining me, trying to prove something.
It's you, each, and every one of you,
Calling for my attention.
It's you all trying to make me feel guilty.
It's being surrounded by a wall of people,
All screaming for my attention,
Yet never offering their support in the end.
It's you all trying to make me a cookie cutter person.
It's always expecting too much of me.
It's you all just fading into the distance,
As I gather the strength to stand alone.
In the end, it's just me ----
Longing to be free.
It's wanting to help, but being too guarded to do anything.
It's being pulled into too many directions,
People shouting, "Help me. Help me!"
It's losing the one that I love,
Even though they stand right before me.
It's finally finding the perfect one,
And being scared to lose him.
It's releasing everything locked inside my soul.
It's daring to open my heart up again.
It's being the person that everyone wants me to be.
It's appearing so strong, yet being so weak.
It's longing to stretch my wings,
Yet being held down by the wind of oppression.
It is just me, longing to be free.
It's you trying to hold me back.
It's you trying to bring me down.
It's you trying to change me to my very core.
It 's you not giving a damn about my emotions.
It's you confining me, trying to prove something.
It's you, each, and every one of you,
Calling for my attention.
It's you all trying to make me feel guilty.
It's being surrounded by a wall of people,
All screaming for my attention,
Yet never offering their support in the end.
It's you all trying to make me a cookie cutter person.
It's always expecting too much of me.
It's you all just fading into the distance,
As I gather the strength to stand alone.
In the end, it's just me ----
Longing to be free.
If Only
If only you could see life through my eyes
All the pain I’ve witnessed and even kept hidden inside
If only you could understand what you think you may know
If only you could see that I’m scared everyday even if it doesn’t show
If only you could feel the hurt in my voice
If only you knew the pain of never really having a choice
If only you knew how lost I’ve been inside and out
If only you knew how it feels to have to whisper when you want to shout
If only you knew what it’s like to put your heart aside
If only you knew what I had to give up just to make her mine
Maybe there’s a reason you’ll never understand
Maybe my words are like the pain in the cuts slightly below her hand
Don’t look at me and say that you feel my pain
Because the things I’ve seen could drive a guy insane
I’ve been to hell and back and there’s not much left to say
The truth is no matter what you do you can’t wish the pain away
All the pain I’ve witnessed and even kept hidden inside
If only you could understand what you think you may know
If only you could see that I’m scared everyday even if it doesn’t show
If only you could feel the hurt in my voice
If only you knew the pain of never really having a choice
If only you knew how lost I’ve been inside and out
If only you knew how it feels to have to whisper when you want to shout
If only you knew what it’s like to put your heart aside
If only you knew what I had to give up just to make her mine
Maybe there’s a reason you’ll never understand
Maybe my words are like the pain in the cuts slightly below her hand
Don’t look at me and say that you feel my pain
Because the things I’ve seen could drive a guy insane
I’ve been to hell and back and there’s not much left to say
The truth is no matter what you do you can’t wish the pain away
Monday, August 10, 2009
College Essay
3a. In order for the Admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a bag of carbon matter that one day felt like becoming. My name was supposed to be Dog, but the lady who was registering was dyslexic… and stoned. I have received more hate mail than the President, I have more friends than Tom, and I have sold more books than Rowling. Jesus calls me Pops.
I can speak two hundred and twenty seven million different languages, fluently; some of them are only spoken by one person. I found a flaw on Pythagoras’ Theorem. The Big Bang Theory is based on the day I decided to conduct an experiment with a match and a fart. Microsoft Word once formally asked me to spellcheck their spellcheck. Despite the curse, I can say Macbeth in the theater. I cannot, unfortunately, measure my IQ because the machine does not go over 100,000,000.
When I was a baby, I was only fed with Jack Daniels. I can beat Chuck Norris in an arm-wrestle competition with my pinkie. I can sneeze with my eyes open while secreting mucus from my iris. I once traveled through all European countries on a unicycle—Nude.
The movie series “Saw” and all of the Cannibal Corpse albums only cover a small part of a typical Saturday night with my pals. I, currently, hold all the world records; thus the Guinness Book only shows the second place losers. I can write my English essay in txt language and still get a perfect score. Tolkien did my landscaping; in his free time he wrote a few books about his adventures in my back yard.
I can say “that’s what she said” with perfect timing. Perfect timing, Ha! That’s what she said. So you better let me in.
-O Sapo
I am a bag of carbon matter that one day felt like becoming. My name was supposed to be Dog, but the lady who was registering was dyslexic… and stoned. I have received more hate mail than the President, I have more friends than Tom, and I have sold more books than Rowling. Jesus calls me Pops.
I can speak two hundred and twenty seven million different languages, fluently; some of them are only spoken by one person. I found a flaw on Pythagoras’ Theorem. The Big Bang Theory is based on the day I decided to conduct an experiment with a match and a fart. Microsoft Word once formally asked me to spellcheck their spellcheck. Despite the curse, I can say Macbeth in the theater. I cannot, unfortunately, measure my IQ because the machine does not go over 100,000,000.
When I was a baby, I was only fed with Jack Daniels. I can beat Chuck Norris in an arm-wrestle competition with my pinkie. I can sneeze with my eyes open while secreting mucus from my iris. I once traveled through all European countries on a unicycle—Nude.
The movie series “Saw” and all of the Cannibal Corpse albums only cover a small part of a typical Saturday night with my pals. I, currently, hold all the world records; thus the Guinness Book only shows the second place losers. I can write my English essay in txt language and still get a perfect score. Tolkien did my landscaping; in his free time he wrote a few books about his adventures in my back yard.
I can say “that’s what she said” with perfect timing. Perfect timing, Ha! That’s what she said. So you better let me in.
-O Sapo
Thursday, August 6, 2009
New- Chapter One (from lily)
“Happy birthday to Beau-oh! Happy birthday to you!” The song, though very loud and somewhat off-key, gave her butterflies and brought a slight blush to her cheeks. She let her eyes wander over all the faces around her staring and waiting for her to blow out the eighteen candles in front of her. Her mother’s laugh lines had never looked so deep and her father, his intense gray eyes identical to her own, had never looked so worn and weary. She beamed at the two of them. He had his arm around her slender waist; it was how she wanted to end up.
“Make a wish, Beau,” a deep voice whispered into her ear. She felt Jack’s large hand rest on her mid-back, which was a clear signal: only friends. Thank you, Hitch, she thought. Even with her negative thoughts, she couldn’t fight back the butterflies; their wings thudded violently against her ribcage. He was her best friend. He was someone she couldn’t imagine her life without.
She closed her eyes slowly, savoring each minuscule detail: the warmth from Jack’s hand, the smiling faces watching her, the adrenaline from the party. She reached for his other hand under the table and held it; she was playing with fire on the line between friends and more. She tried to clear her mind and focus on the task at hand: what should she wish for? Money was always practical, but what was the fun in that? Then her thoughts rested on love. She looked to Jack. His shaggy russet hair played in his eyelashes and his lop-sided grin hypnotized her. She pried her eyes from him and took a deep breath. As soon as the flames disappeared, the group once again erupted in chaos. “Yays” and applause flooded her ears and her face contorted.
“I’ll bring your piece out to the hammock if you want to meet me there.” His breath tickled the spot under her ear.
Jack had always known what was best for her. Ever since they were six and seven years old playing tag, he had always watched over her. He’s always been there for her. She nodded in response reluctantly releasing his hand. She ducked out between the anxious-for-cake hands of her friends. On the short walk to the back yard, it hit her: this was going their last night hanging out. In the early hours of the morning she would be catching a flight to London Heathrow. From there, it would be a three hour drive to Sanmoon, where she would her college years, but she was more than ready. Or, that’s what she was attempting to convince herself. She lied down feeling the coarse material rub against her arms and legs.
With her eyes closed, she squinted against the warm rays of sun. They polka dotted the ground as they managed to make it through the limbs above. Her friends’ voices and laughter drifted from the house nearly drowning out the song that was playing. Beau paused her thoughts and strained to hear. It was Denver Harbor’s “Move On”; no wonder no one was paying attention. They were one of her favorite bands, but nobody else had a clue. She sang quietly to herself. “Her lips say ‘I’m sorry’. Her eyes tell different stories. I can’t believe another desperate word you say.”
A chuckle sounded right over her face. She opened one eye. Jack’s face blocked out the sun perfectly. She smiled. “Hi,” Beau said sheepishly as she sat up to give him a spot beside her.
“Hey,” he answered casually, flashing his grin—the one she liked to think was all for her. He offered her the most ideal piece of cake: a side piece with a large violet carson. She smiled and took it out of his hands. He took his spot beside her. “Denver Harbor…” He smiled and listened to the lyrics, drumming his fork on the plate. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. Her heart pounded. “So, are you ready to leave yet?” He asked after a moment.
“No, sir,” Beau said choking down a mouthful of cake.
“And just why not?” His hazel eyes pierced her own as he anticipated her rehearsed response.
“Well, because I will be leaving you.” Her voice cracked unexpectedly. The truth of the matter was just that: she didn’t want to leave him. Her gray eyes were beginning to feel the sting of oncoming tears. She tried to clear her throat subtly and made an excuse of putting her plate on the ground to escape his eyes.
“Whoa, hey…hey, Beau….” He reached for her face, but she ducked under his hand. She swung her legs to the other side of him and buried her face in the hammock dramatically. He lied down next to her as the rest of the guests danced and laughed on.
Beau sniffed and cleared her throat again. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t know why I’m getting all…” She forced a little smile as he peered over her.
“It’s ok.” He paused lightly touching her shoulder. “Turn over. Let’s talk.” She pursed her lips stubbornly, but she knew she would give in to anything he requested of her. “Don’t cry, ok?” His voice sounded almost desperate.
Beau turned over and met his eyes. Feeling witty, she replied, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” She pushed her lips into a pout and crossed her arms like a histrionic actress. He raised one brow and uncrossed her arms. His touch, though warm, gave her a chill that ran up her spine, lingering at the nape of her neck.
“You shouldn’t frown, Beau. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.”
The moment seemed like it lasted forever. She sputtered and burst into giggles. It was the most cliché and sappy thing she had ever heard. He tried to hold back his smile but the attempt was futile. He laughed along with her and it looked to her like the world was a little bit brighter. “You’re dumb,” she finally said.
“I know.” He smiled, seemingly please with himself. “But it worked.” He grabbed her hand and rolled onto his back. “Can I ask you something?”
She thought about teasing him but bit back any smartass remarks. “Hmm?” she replied.
“I don’t want you to find another boy at Sanmoon, Beau.” He chanced a glance at her, holding her eyes for only a moment.
She bit her lip. All levity of this conversation had vanished. There were no longer smiles or sparkling eyes; this was a serious concern of his. His eyebrows had furrowed together and the golden flecks of his hazel eyes were now a dull yellow. Those eyes were always bright and filled with amusement, but now they were dark and clouded with something else. She couldn’t stop the adrenaline that was being pumped in her veins.
“That wasn’t a question.” The words were barely above a whisper. He began to fidget in his pockets and bit the inside of his cheek. “Jack?” She shifted more of her weight toward him.
Before she could stop herself, all the weight had transferred to one side of the hammock. She toppled over him and they landed tangled on the root-ridden ground. Her vision flashed white and then her world dimmed to black.
* * *
“Beau? Beau, wake up.” Jack’s voice was accompanied by his warm hand on her cheek. She cursed under her breath and opened her eyes. A painful throb shot through her head. Jack rolled his eyes and smiled, but it wasn’t hers. Something in his eyes was alarmed. She grimaced raising a hand to her forehead. “Here, let me help you up.”
“Jack?” she started as he scooped her up and gently placed her on the hammock again. “What’s the matter?”
He was visibly frowning now and it wasn’t attractive. He took her hand and used a low voice. “I don’t know what happened. Just now, it’s like you…” Jack glanced around. “It’s just like you disappeared in my arms.”
She would have laughed, but it was clear to her that he was genuinely disturbed. He ran one hand through his hair, a habit he had picked up when he became nervous or upset by something. His eyes were unfocused.
“Make a wish, Beau,” a deep voice whispered into her ear. She felt Jack’s large hand rest on her mid-back, which was a clear signal: only friends. Thank you, Hitch, she thought. Even with her negative thoughts, she couldn’t fight back the butterflies; their wings thudded violently against her ribcage. He was her best friend. He was someone she couldn’t imagine her life without.
She closed her eyes slowly, savoring each minuscule detail: the warmth from Jack’s hand, the smiling faces watching her, the adrenaline from the party. She reached for his other hand under the table and held it; she was playing with fire on the line between friends and more. She tried to clear her mind and focus on the task at hand: what should she wish for? Money was always practical, but what was the fun in that? Then her thoughts rested on love. She looked to Jack. His shaggy russet hair played in his eyelashes and his lop-sided grin hypnotized her. She pried her eyes from him and took a deep breath. As soon as the flames disappeared, the group once again erupted in chaos. “Yays” and applause flooded her ears and her face contorted.
“I’ll bring your piece out to the hammock if you want to meet me there.” His breath tickled the spot under her ear.
Jack had always known what was best for her. Ever since they were six and seven years old playing tag, he had always watched over her. He’s always been there for her. She nodded in response reluctantly releasing his hand. She ducked out between the anxious-for-cake hands of her friends. On the short walk to the back yard, it hit her: this was going their last night hanging out. In the early hours of the morning she would be catching a flight to London Heathrow. From there, it would be a three hour drive to Sanmoon, where she would her college years, but she was more than ready. Or, that’s what she was attempting to convince herself. She lied down feeling the coarse material rub against her arms and legs.
With her eyes closed, she squinted against the warm rays of sun. They polka dotted the ground as they managed to make it through the limbs above. Her friends’ voices and laughter drifted from the house nearly drowning out the song that was playing. Beau paused her thoughts and strained to hear. It was Denver Harbor’s “Move On”; no wonder no one was paying attention. They were one of her favorite bands, but nobody else had a clue. She sang quietly to herself. “Her lips say ‘I’m sorry’. Her eyes tell different stories. I can’t believe another desperate word you say.”
A chuckle sounded right over her face. She opened one eye. Jack’s face blocked out the sun perfectly. She smiled. “Hi,” Beau said sheepishly as she sat up to give him a spot beside her.
“Hey,” he answered casually, flashing his grin—the one she liked to think was all for her. He offered her the most ideal piece of cake: a side piece with a large violet carson. She smiled and took it out of his hands. He took his spot beside her. “Denver Harbor…” He smiled and listened to the lyrics, drumming his fork on the plate. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. Her heart pounded. “So, are you ready to leave yet?” He asked after a moment.
“No, sir,” Beau said choking down a mouthful of cake.
“And just why not?” His hazel eyes pierced her own as he anticipated her rehearsed response.
“Well, because I will be leaving you.” Her voice cracked unexpectedly. The truth of the matter was just that: she didn’t want to leave him. Her gray eyes were beginning to feel the sting of oncoming tears. She tried to clear her throat subtly and made an excuse of putting her plate on the ground to escape his eyes.
“Whoa, hey…hey, Beau….” He reached for her face, but she ducked under his hand. She swung her legs to the other side of him and buried her face in the hammock dramatically. He lied down next to her as the rest of the guests danced and laughed on.
Beau sniffed and cleared her throat again. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t know why I’m getting all…” She forced a little smile as he peered over her.
“It’s ok.” He paused lightly touching her shoulder. “Turn over. Let’s talk.” She pursed her lips stubbornly, but she knew she would give in to anything he requested of her. “Don’t cry, ok?” His voice sounded almost desperate.
Beau turned over and met his eyes. Feeling witty, she replied, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” She pushed her lips into a pout and crossed her arms like a histrionic actress. He raised one brow and uncrossed her arms. His touch, though warm, gave her a chill that ran up her spine, lingering at the nape of her neck.
“You shouldn’t frown, Beau. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.”
The moment seemed like it lasted forever. She sputtered and burst into giggles. It was the most cliché and sappy thing she had ever heard. He tried to hold back his smile but the attempt was futile. He laughed along with her and it looked to her like the world was a little bit brighter. “You’re dumb,” she finally said.
“I know.” He smiled, seemingly please with himself. “But it worked.” He grabbed her hand and rolled onto his back. “Can I ask you something?”
She thought about teasing him but bit back any smartass remarks. “Hmm?” she replied.
“I don’t want you to find another boy at Sanmoon, Beau.” He chanced a glance at her, holding her eyes for only a moment.
She bit her lip. All levity of this conversation had vanished. There were no longer smiles or sparkling eyes; this was a serious concern of his. His eyebrows had furrowed together and the golden flecks of his hazel eyes were now a dull yellow. Those eyes were always bright and filled with amusement, but now they were dark and clouded with something else. She couldn’t stop the adrenaline that was being pumped in her veins.
“That wasn’t a question.” The words were barely above a whisper. He began to fidget in his pockets and bit the inside of his cheek. “Jack?” She shifted more of her weight toward him.
Before she could stop herself, all the weight had transferred to one side of the hammock. She toppled over him and they landed tangled on the root-ridden ground. Her vision flashed white and then her world dimmed to black.
* * *
“Beau? Beau, wake up.” Jack’s voice was accompanied by his warm hand on her cheek. She cursed under her breath and opened her eyes. A painful throb shot through her head. Jack rolled his eyes and smiled, but it wasn’t hers. Something in his eyes was alarmed. She grimaced raising a hand to her forehead. “Here, let me help you up.”
“Jack?” she started as he scooped her up and gently placed her on the hammock again. “What’s the matter?”
He was visibly frowning now and it wasn’t attractive. He took her hand and used a low voice. “I don’t know what happened. Just now, it’s like you…” Jack glanced around. “It’s just like you disappeared in my arms.”
She would have laughed, but it was clear to her that he was genuinely disturbed. He ran one hand through his hair, a habit he had picked up when he became nervous or upset by something. His eyes were unfocused.
Poetry, my muse
Poems will be the death of me,
never letting me be free.
always calling,
write me; write me!
Always luring me,
taunting me with ease,
It'll be easy this time,
you say just to please.
Well I'm tired of it.
I try and try,
and even if I die,
I swear this time will be the time.
I'm writing a poem you see,
smiling with glee.
((Yays!!! I did it :) That was so hard! Tell me what you think and be completely honest! I need all the constructive criticism I can get!))
never letting me be free.
always calling,
write me; write me!
Always luring me,
taunting me with ease,
It'll be easy this time,
you say just to please.
Well I'm tired of it.
I try and try,
and even if I die,
I swear this time will be the time.
I'm writing a poem you see,
smiling with glee.
((Yays!!! I did it :) That was so hard! Tell me what you think and be completely honest! I need all the constructive criticism I can get!))
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Reason to Become
I opened my eyes, and thus I became.
Without any knowledge of how or why;
So when I first glimpsed at the profane,
I dropped to my knees and to heaven cried.
I searched for the answer to my question,
But not a single soul was willing to aid,
Instead, they were all in my objection,
Pointing and laughing at my endless pain.
I questioned the Creator Himself:
“Why am I here? To contemplate vanity?
If I’m a mere reflection of yourself
Then you are, just like myself, empty.”
I drink from this glass still not quite knowing
The essence of my painful becoming
Without any knowledge of how or why;
So when I first glimpsed at the profane,
I dropped to my knees and to heaven cried.
I searched for the answer to my question,
But not a single soul was willing to aid,
Instead, they were all in my objection,
Pointing and laughing at my endless pain.
I questioned the Creator Himself:
“Why am I here? To contemplate vanity?
If I’m a mere reflection of yourself
Then you are, just like myself, empty.”
I drink from this glass still not quite knowing
The essence of my painful becoming
Crossing the Valley
Teetering back and forth, she tries to cross the valley. On the other side, she'll find hope and happiness, but first she just needs to make it there. She looks down to what is supporting her. The narrow beam, doesn't seem to be able to support her weight. The beam is splintering beneath her. She is consumed with too many emotions.
She sways back and forth, spreading her arms out like an eagle she tries to catch herself. Her efforts are rewarded; she steadies herself for a couple seconds. She takes one more step, this one much easier than the last. Her eyes are filled with such sadness, yet strength outshines it.
A hand appears in front of her. She squints her eyes in confusion, as she looks into the face to which it belongs. Her emotions begin to fade away. This hand gives her more strength than she has ever had before; it makes all the troubles go away.
She once again looks down to the beam. It is stronger now, as solid as a Red Wood Tree. She begins to walk across the valley with ease. His warm smile is enough to light up both of their eyes. They walk hand and hand across the beam, confronting all the troubles that may try to hinder them.
Her bare feet touch the soft, moist grass; they have made it to the other side of the valley, together. She looks into his eyes and sees all that she needs to ever see: Love. They embrace, holding each other tightly. Releasing each other, they both turn to face what's in front of them: the mountain that will set them free.
She sways back and forth, spreading her arms out like an eagle she tries to catch herself. Her efforts are rewarded; she steadies herself for a couple seconds. She takes one more step, this one much easier than the last. Her eyes are filled with such sadness, yet strength outshines it.
A hand appears in front of her. She squints her eyes in confusion, as she looks into the face to which it belongs. Her emotions begin to fade away. This hand gives her more strength than she has ever had before; it makes all the troubles go away.
She once again looks down to the beam. It is stronger now, as solid as a Red Wood Tree. She begins to walk across the valley with ease. His warm smile is enough to light up both of their eyes. They walk hand and hand across the beam, confronting all the troubles that may try to hinder them.
Her bare feet touch the soft, moist grass; they have made it to the other side of the valley, together. She looks into his eyes and sees all that she needs to ever see: Love. They embrace, holding each other tightly. Releasing each other, they both turn to face what's in front of them: the mountain that will set them free.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
La Mariposa Libre
Free Write:
I want to be the Monarch Butterfly I see in front of me. That truly would be the greatest thing. I could fly in and out of the tall blades of grass; I could visit all the beautiful flowers that the world has to offer. I would be free, never to be bogged down by emotions again. Never again would a tear slide down my cheeks; the world would cry enough tears without my help. I could feel the air under my wings, making me almost weightless. My chest would be free of all these emotions. I would be free of all these people around me, constantly bringing me down. Freedom would mean being that mariposa.
I want to be the Monarch Butterfly I see in front of me. That truly would be the greatest thing. I could fly in and out of the tall blades of grass; I could visit all the beautiful flowers that the world has to offer. I would be free, never to be bogged down by emotions again. Never again would a tear slide down my cheeks; the world would cry enough tears without my help. I could feel the air under my wings, making me almost weightless. My chest would be free of all these emotions. I would be free of all these people around me, constantly bringing me down. Freedom would mean being that mariposa.
Morning Terrors
{A/N: Jack here, with one of my least favorite dreams ever. I read it for the last reading day in CW, and I shook the entire time and almost cried near the end. So enjoy. :D }
She nudges the cat gently with her foot, and it plops to the floor with a soft fwump. The girl gets thrown a murderous glare before the feline stalks out of the room, tail held high in defiance. A cough reminds her why she’d gotten rid of the cat, and she turns on her side to smile at the one beside her. “What time is it?” he asks groggily, and she shakes her head with a small laugh.
“It’s probably time to get up. I’m not really sure,” she admits, burying her head back in the pillow. “But I think we should pretend our clocks are broken and not go to school,” she adds around a mouthful of material.
“Somehow I doubt that’d work… Come on, rise and shine! Your first class starts in… Like an hour!” He picks her up and sets her on her feet despite her protests.
“Jerk,” she mumbles as she shuffles off to the shower. Standing under the stream of water, she smiles to herself. She can’t believe they’re finally living together, after so many years of separation. She can finally sleep at night, and he finally has someone to tell him they love him first thing every morning.
Once she’s finally dressed and ready, she bounds into the kitchen to find a note stuck to the fridge, and she scans it quickly. Went to get coffee at 7:50. Should be back by 8:05 or so. Will kick people out of the line at Starbucks if have to. Her giggle stops short when she looks at the clock. It’s digital numbers report it is close to half-past. Hitting redial on her cell phone, she settles on the counter above the cat’s bowl and nervously jiggles her foot. After five rings, the two phones connect, and she breathes a sigh of relief into the phone. “Oh God, sweetheart, you scared me-”
She’s cut off by a voice that isn’t one she knows. “Ma’am? Ah… I’m afraid there’s been an accident… This isn’t your husband.”
“Fiancé,” she corrects in a whisper. “What’s happened?”
“We- We aren’t sure yet. Nobody involved is in a good enough shape to tell us all the details.” She sucks in her breath and heads to the door, slipping on a pair of his shoes as she goes. Slamming the door behind her, she’s gone.
The tinny voice coming through the phone continues to talk to the empty kitchen, but it’s met with silence. The cat has retreated to the bedroom and is once more lying on the bed. In his now-vacant spot.
She nudges the cat gently with her foot, and it plops to the floor with a soft fwump. The girl gets thrown a murderous glare before the feline stalks out of the room, tail held high in defiance. A cough reminds her why she’d gotten rid of the cat, and she turns on her side to smile at the one beside her. “What time is it?” he asks groggily, and she shakes her head with a small laugh.
“It’s probably time to get up. I’m not really sure,” she admits, burying her head back in the pillow. “But I think we should pretend our clocks are broken and not go to school,” she adds around a mouthful of material.
“Somehow I doubt that’d work… Come on, rise and shine! Your first class starts in… Like an hour!” He picks her up and sets her on her feet despite her protests.
“Jerk,” she mumbles as she shuffles off to the shower. Standing under the stream of water, she smiles to herself. She can’t believe they’re finally living together, after so many years of separation. She can finally sleep at night, and he finally has someone to tell him they love him first thing every morning.
Once she’s finally dressed and ready, she bounds into the kitchen to find a note stuck to the fridge, and she scans it quickly. Went to get coffee at 7:50. Should be back by 8:05 or so. Will kick people out of the line at Starbucks if have to. Her giggle stops short when she looks at the clock. It’s digital numbers report it is close to half-past. Hitting redial on her cell phone, she settles on the counter above the cat’s bowl and nervously jiggles her foot. After five rings, the two phones connect, and she breathes a sigh of relief into the phone. “Oh God, sweetheart, you scared me-”
She’s cut off by a voice that isn’t one she knows. “Ma’am? Ah… I’m afraid there’s been an accident… This isn’t your husband.”
“Fiancé,” she corrects in a whisper. “What’s happened?”
“We- We aren’t sure yet. Nobody involved is in a good enough shape to tell us all the details.” She sucks in her breath and heads to the door, slipping on a pair of his shoes as she goes. Slamming the door behind her, she’s gone.
The tinny voice coming through the phone continues to talk to the empty kitchen, but it’s met with silence. The cat has retreated to the bedroom and is once more lying on the bed. In his now-vacant spot.
Not like this hasn't happened before
I've seen it once,
Felt it twice,
Hell I've been through it thrice,
So forgive me if this heart break had no spice.
You've watched it a lot,
But only in a story plot,
You felt it once,
and the story just begun.
For us there was tears,
For me there was distance,
For you there was sickness,
And only your friends, but to witness.
I Writhed in pain,
Thinking of Spain,
I wanted you back,
But life is a trap.
You find something,
You lose it,
Now you've walked out my door,
But hey, its not like it hasn't happened before.
((unedited...get over it))
Felt it twice,
Hell I've been through it thrice,
So forgive me if this heart break had no spice.
You've watched it a lot,
But only in a story plot,
You felt it once,
and the story just begun.
For us there was tears,
For me there was distance,
For you there was sickness,
And only your friends, but to witness.
I Writhed in pain,
Thinking of Spain,
I wanted you back,
But life is a trap.
You find something,
You lose it,
Now you've walked out my door,
But hey, its not like it hasn't happened before.
((unedited...get over it))
Winter's Wrath
He holds an old portrait as it was his child. He gazes at the window and sees the blue sky covered by thick gray clouds, dimming the sun’s light. He remembers about the times where no matter where he looked upon he saw life and vivid colors, and now he dwells in his fading memories. He reflects on the day that he had everything he could possibly want, and regrets, with bitter anger towards himself, how he only noticed the beauty of his life when he lost his most important belonging.
The cold air breaks into his cabin through the cracks in the wooden walls. He feels the air cutting his face as it was a bitter slap from his maid. He cries out laud in a desperate attempt to break Winter’s dead silence. The wind blows vigorously, now shaking the nearby trees as if It was trying to ease his pain by somehow communicating with him. He, however, breaks into an unexplainable swift madness, destroying much of what was left from his possessions.
His madness urges him to uncontrollable impulses. Driven by his despair and lack of self-awareness, he runs outside in his bare body. He runs as fast as his degraded self can. He trips in a tree root near a frozen stream, and decides to lay down still, patiently waiting for his fate. Suddenly, he remembers about the portrait in his right hand and looks at it for the last time. His eyes become as heavy as lead, so he closes them for the very last time, slowly prolonging and enjoying his last few minutes and letting the snow embrace his naked body.
The cold air breaks into his cabin through the cracks in the wooden walls. He feels the air cutting his face as it was a bitter slap from his maid. He cries out laud in a desperate attempt to break Winter’s dead silence. The wind blows vigorously, now shaking the nearby trees as if It was trying to ease his pain by somehow communicating with him. He, however, breaks into an unexplainable swift madness, destroying much of what was left from his possessions.
His madness urges him to uncontrollable impulses. Driven by his despair and lack of self-awareness, he runs outside in his bare body. He runs as fast as his degraded self can. He trips in a tree root near a frozen stream, and decides to lay down still, patiently waiting for his fate. Suddenly, he remembers about the portrait in his right hand and looks at it for the last time. His eyes become as heavy as lead, so he closes them for the very last time, slowly prolonging and enjoying his last few minutes and letting the snow embrace his naked body.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Bittersweet Love
Bittersweet Love
Her face couldn’t contain her tears; they formed puddles where her face met the pillow. Her pounding heart was shredded into pieces. Others would think that she had gone insane by the way she was clutching at her skin and tossing in her bed, crying. Oh, people knew that her heart was broken alright, however, nobody could know that her heart was not simply broken into two pieces, but into a thousand. This wound would take months, maybe even years to heal, yet the swift moment in which her torture began would forever remain.
“It’s over.” Those words from that unending phone conversation tormented her mind incessantly. She was forced to relive it every moment since that unforgettable Saturday. Every time she attempted to preoccupy herself with other thoughts, she failed. “Why do you keep dwelling on it?” she was asked by onlookers. “Well, maybe, because I am alone in this fucking world now!” she wanted to scream at the world, but instead she cried, showing her weakness. Sure, she had cried herself to sleep before, but never had she bawled herself to sleep.
Then the morning began, the birds chirping constantly. “How could they be so happy on such a mournful day?” she asked herself bluntly. The sun rose as it did every morning, emitting streaks of purple, pink, and blue, colors too happy for her taste. Then it was time for school, the place where she had to fake smiles and conversations that she wouldn’t remember the next day. The fake smiles didn’t last, and tears soon took their place. The improvised conversations soon turned into silence as she stared off into space, memories flooding her brain once more. Every time their lips touched; every time their nails raked across one another’s skin; every time they held each other close; every time his heart thumped; his softened voice saying “I lo-” “Stop!” She screamed to herself. No, she couldn’t bear to hear his voice say those words. They followed her everywhere; she heard him say it when she went to sleep and when she first woke up. These unbearable words never ceased, yet she wanted to hear him say these three little words most.
There was only one person she wanted to hug, and this person should have been forbidden for her to hug, yet he was there. He made her feel better and worse at the same time; her thoughts of giving up ceased when she was around him, yet he made the hole in her chest deepen. “Ah, how great the thought of ceasing to exist is, after all what is the point… Stop.” She had to save those thoughts for another time, for now he had rejoined her and she must savor these few moments. Those memories had to last a life time, so she hugged him, while trying to pretend she was at least a little okay. But, she knew that the act was pointless, he could tell that she was ripped apart on the inside. Her self inflicted wounds, made by venom, would not let her heal. She hated herself for being so weak. “Well maybe it was the right thing for him,” she tried to console herself, though she knew it was useless. She almost prayed that she could hate him; maybe it would be better then this eternal bittersweet love that she felt…But, no, she would rather love him and be around him, so she could at least genuinely smile every once in a while. So, she would settle with this new relationship that had sprouted for now, no matter how hard the pain throbbed in her chest.
~~~~~~~~
@everyone: I know that most of you have read this, but any further comments are greatly appreciated!
~La Mariposa
Reaching Horizons
Welcome to "Sapos e Mariposas," or "Frogs and Butterflies" for the foreign language challenged. This is the place a few, hand-picked, writers chose to settle and spread their wings. To reach out for new horizons, and to explore the depths of a mysterious forest called "The Human Mind."
Here you'll find stories and poems that will make you fly to a distant place, where you'll laugh, cry, be freighted, confused, and amused. So my friend, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the trip.
Here you'll find stories and poems that will make you fly to a distant place, where you'll laugh, cry, be freighted, confused, and amused. So my friend, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the trip.
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